


Steal Your Breath

by Wallwalker



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dysfunctional Relationships, M/M, Ouroboros Mix, Pale Romance, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2017-12-05 05:06:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/719202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallwalker/pseuds/Wallwalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Wait for you," he repeats. "What the fuck am I waiting for? You're never here-"</p>
<p>You run your hand down his abs, feeling the warmth of his blood right through his clothes. If there has ever been a time when a bro needed to get his chill on, this is it. "I'm here now," you say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steal Your Breath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katspaw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katspaw/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Breathe Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/445953) by [katspaw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katspaw/pseuds/katspaw). 



> Note: Spoilers through 3/12/2013 updates!

When you show up in Karkat's room, all dressed up, all you get at the start is worry. Poor bro worries enough for twelve motherfuckers, and more besides. Leaves you wonderin' how there's room for anything else in that sweet little head of his. "Gamzee? Where have you been?" he asks, when the surprise wears off. 

"Doing what a motherfucker has to do," you answer, sitting down. You ain't going straight for the pile, but you're a tired son of a grub, legs all sore from running HIS little errands, fuck if you ain't gonna get some rest.

"You aren't going to tell me, are you? After all this time?" He stands up from his husktop, grunting like he ain't stood up in forever - and hell, maybe he hasn't, you don't know what he's been up to either, much as you hate it - and walks over to you. "When are you going to tell me what the grubmunching hell is going on??"

"When it's all up and done." It's the same answer you always give him, and the best you can motherfucking do. Yeah, technically everything you're doing has already been done - your old universe is gone, and that up and proves it - but in another sense it's still going on, and you've still got a job to do. "I promise, you wait for me, I'll tell you everything."

"Wait for you," he repeats. Then he charges at you, grabbing you and dragging you into the pile - it's starting to smell like dust and disuse, and you've got time to feel a little guilty before he's squeezing you as tight as he can manage, which is pretty motherfucking tight. You don't push him off, just reach down and ruffle his hair, stroking his nubby little horns. "What the fuck am I waiting for? You're never here-"

You run your hand down his abs, feeling the warmth of his blood right through his clothes. If there has ever been a time when a bro needed to get his chill on, this is it. "I'm here now," you say. 

"Yes, but..." He gasps a little when you reach his bulge, but then pushes away as best he can. You let him - you ain't gonna do nothing your bro ain't down with - and he composes himself and manages to slow down enough to start talking again. "You're always gone," he repeats, "and you won't tell me where you're going, you're always just vanishing in that ridiculous outfit of yours... where in the lumpfisted name of paradox space did you get that, I know no one here made it for you -"

"Favor from a friend," you say, because it's all you can say, even if it ain't quite the truth.

"Friend. What friend? Why won't you tell me this friend's name?"

"Ain't no name you'd recognize," you reassure, wondering if that's still true. Maybe your palebro has met your disciple by now, with as many dream bubbles as they've gone through. "Ain't no big deal, anyway. Just somebody follows the same miracles I do."

"But... fuck, Gamzee, I can't even talk to you anymore," he gripes, and abruptly gets up and lunges, pushing you down into the pile. Something is poking at your ass, but the costume's thick enough that it doesn't hurt, and it's a good thing too, 'cuz Karkat's a good bit heaver than he looks. "You're my morail, you insufferable bulgesniffer, we're supposed to have each other's backs, how am I supposed to _do_ anything like that if you won't even fucking talk to me -"

"Hush, now," you say. "You know it ain't like that. I'm talking to you right now, ain't I?"

"But... damn you, I...."

He ain't got much to say after that, just holds you tight, body shaking. He doesn't protest when you roll him over so you're lying beside him, or when you reach out carefully with one hand and stroke his back, up under his shirt. You're so pale for him at that moment, you just don't wanna see him angry and hurting anymore, but you don't know how far he wants it. You ain't gonna do any twisting, not with him. You've gotta know what he wants first.

"Do it," he mutters in your ear, like he can't say it out loud. "Just... do it, please." 

"You sure?" you ask, keepin' your hand high, papping him as gently as you can manage.

"Yeah. I'm sure." His motherfuckin' voice is just shaking. "Just... stay close to me, okay?"

"'Course I will," you say, and smile as your other hand starts to slide down his front. "You know I've got you, Karkat. I always got you."

He moans into your shoulder as you slip his pants down and touch him, like he's been waiting for it for way too long. Probably has, with how long you've been gone that time; stuff's takin' longer than you thought it would, and there's other things takin' up your time. Other people, too. But neglecting Karkat is on your list of least favorite things you have to up and do with this bullshit, and you're taking the chance now while you can. Kid's safe from itself for now, anyway.

You're here now, just like you said, and Karkat's squeezing you tight and making that breathy little noise in your ear, and for a while all's right with the world. You can almost pretend that this is what you've got waiting for you at the end, that you're gonna be able to keep Karkat when your duties are done. Fuck, but you wanna keep him. You wanna wrap him up in miracles and keep him safe forever. His nubby little claws are pushed as hard as he can manage against your back and his eyes are squeezed shut - he's trying to _trust_ you, even after all of this. Fuck, but it makes you feel so warm inside, like your blood ain't that cold indigo that they said made you so important. Makes you feel as warm as he is.

Finally he collapses and starts weakly pushing your hand away, and you stop and lay him down, patting the pile down first so that he'll be comfy. His breathing's easier now, and you just look at him for a while, relaxed like a little wriggler.

He finally opens his heavy-lidded eyes and looks back up at you. When's the last time he had a proper sleep? "Gamzee," he says again, but his voice is softer. "We've gotta... deal with this stuff. Sooner or later..."

"Shhh," you say. "I know, palebro. I know."

"You're such an asshole," he mutters, with no real venom in it. And he's still snugglin' closer to you, nice and relaxed... he mumbles something else, but you ain't sure what, and you're pretty sure it ain't gonna matter.

He looks so peaceful now, so calm, and that's your cue to get outta here again. He ain't gonna be happy 'bout it, and you ain't either, but that ain't the point, and you can see that even if he won't. Point is, there's stuff that all up and needs _doing_ , and you can't let anything else get in the way of it, not even him. 

He's trying, though. Those questions he was asking? You think you know where this is all gonna end up. Won't be long before you have to up and choose, him or HIM, and Karkat ain't gonna understand. Some things are more important than anything else, right? Even your bittersweet little morail. 

He's dropping off fast now. You reach down, rub his shoulders, trace little diamonds on his skin as you watch him slip away and fall asleep. It's like goddamned clockwork. "I wish like nothing else I could up and take you with me," you whisper, too quiet for him to hear even if he was listening, because it's true. That's the only way you could get this damned mess to work, just up and grab him and take him with you, let him see the important work that you've been charged with. He'd understand if anyone on that asteroid would - he's had to do the same thing, yeah? Had to guide a bunch of little ones to their destiny, and he says he hated it but he ain't any kind of good liar. Motherfucker would do it again in a push; you can see it in his face.

You can't do it because he wouldn't understand, though, and it tears you motherfucking up. All these things you wanna tell him about the miracles of motherfuckin' lusushood and how amazing it is to be able to do that shit, even when things get weird (you still feel that first bite on your shoulder, even though it's long since healed.) All these things you wanna share in these little jams of yours and can't, and he thinks that you're just not contributing because you don't want to, an' that shit just ain't true. But you can't tell him, because he'd up and lose it and try to do something incredibly brave and incredibly stupid, as if he could change something so important. No, he's just gonna have to live with not knowing what it is you get up to when you're gone. It's the only way you've got to protect him from it. If walking away's the only way to keep him from getting himself killed, you're gonna have to make it easier for him to let you go.

You stroke his hair one last time, and he mutters something and curls in on himself, looking so small and lonely that you almost don't get up and walk away. You're glad that you didn't have to up and ruin things just yet; Karkat needed that, and so did you. Motherfuck, you missed this. Makes you wish you could just stay and jam a little longer when he woke up.

But you've gotta go. Show has to go on. And those kids ain't gonna raise themselves.

**Author's Note:**

> I love this pairing, and the original fic's sweet take on it, but for some reason my brain went directly for the dysfunctional canon take on the relationship when I read it. So here it is - I hope you enjoy it!


End file.
